I must apologize to all my blog buddies out there. I have neglected my blog and all of you, and I'm sorry! But, I promise I have a good excuse.
I have spent all of my spare time the last few weeks talking to my dad on Facebook, getting to know him, and trying to convince the rest of my family not to kill him. There's always been a lot of contention in my family because of him and the situation he left us in as small children. That anger is still there, but it's become more hurt than anything on my side. My brother and I sat down Saturday and had lunch with him, and are both of the agreement that we should move forward and not dwell on the past. Who hasn't screwed up majorly in their life? He wants to rectify the situation now, and that is what is important.
So, why are we willing to move on and our family isn't? I don't know. But, it looks like this meeting will be the talk of Christmas, and probably not in a good way. Remember the last post about how crazy my family can get? It gets 10 times worse when it's emotional. There's no such thing as an elephant in the room with my family, and since I have had the equivelent of a emotional bandaid ripped off of me, it's bound to get ugly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to take up for him or justify anything that he did, because that's not something I find I can do. But, my emotions are running too high to talk with my family about it just yet. I may just spend a good amount of time out and about visiting friends I haven't seen in a couple of years. :) Don't you just love family?
Forgiveness is a good thing. I have a friend who recently reconnected with his father, and it has been spendid. He has become the most amazing grandfather to my friends's children as well. Hope things go well for you.
ReplyDeleteNot to get too deep, but there are many people (including me) who believe that there are only two core emotions, and they are not love and hate, they are love and fear.
ReplyDeleteThe angriest people are always the ones who are most afraid.
If you can, and you feel safe, forgive your dad... and forgive those who can't forgive your dad. Some folks just get high on drama. Otherwise, why not move on. You're right about that. If folks want to pressure you, just let them know that you are trying to figure things out, and you can't do that without information.
Only Family can hurt so deeply. But as family, they will always have that connection. Even when they are gone it's there- just kind of empty. I have a similar issue with my father, he always asks. "Why do they hate me?" Honestly I can't answer that. Its something that they must talk about with each other.
ReplyDeleteThe holidays are tough and then when family is involved things can get ugly. I think it's amazing that you're going to forgive and move forward. Try not to judge or push the others who aren't ready yet. Maybe they will in time. What's important is that you're ready to move on with your Dad. That's great that he's changed. I hope you get what you need from him. I hope you all do.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that yall have had this chance to reconnect. Sounds like it is going well. Moving on and letting go of the past is hard, but once achieved the rewards can be sweet.
ReplyDeleteHolidays, as much as they're fun, are also stressful.
ReplyDeleteI hope things continue to go well with catching up with your dad.
Suzicate, I'm glad to hear of a happy ending. Most of the stories I've heard have not ended very well, but I guess people tend to share the worst they've got to spare you from being hurt.
ReplyDeleteStraight Guy, excellent advice! You are right in so many ways.
achgfd, I've never had anyone hurt me as bad as family. Maybe we just feel comfortable saying things that might hurt because we know we'll always be related to them?
Climb2Nowhere, I think my family invented the word ugly. I love them more than anything in this world, but it definitely hurts more sometimes.
Heather, things are going well. We're still talking, which is as good as it's going to get for the moment.
thoughtsappear, maybe we should rename Christmas Stressmas? That's what it always feels like, but yes, they are fun even with the fighting. :)